Avast There Matey: Birthday, Pirates, and Freedom at all costs

Avast there matey’s. As my daughter returned to her abode after a full night of retail work, a 22nd birthday awaited her and it is the duty of her family to usher in these festivities with the kind of rhythmic tempo demanded by her upbringing. To understand what follows for those of timid nature, please refer to these past articles.



It was her husband who carried on a tradition that has become a part of our very souls…….savvy. For my daughter has been raised to think as a good and just person, as her sister has been as well, by my wife who is as good and just a person to ever breath air. However, I had my hand in their upbringing also and presented to them a firm distrust of the law, and a wit to survive no matter what the social conditions or government circumstance and that if injustice befalls my children at any point in their lives, that the pirate life would be the only life for them. And so the most treasured prize she desired on this birthday of hers was the recently released Blue Ray edition of Pirates of the Caribbean’s 4 film treasure chest that her husband bought for her, and hid in her home to be found with the aid of a treasure map seen in the video below.

But our love of pirates goes far deeper than Pirates of the Caribbean, for we have spent many nights and days indulging in pirate lore as I taught all my kids the valiant efforts of Henry Morgan and a host of real and unreal mythical pirates which have populated the dreams of my daughter and reside deep in her soul which will overlook her through a life time on earth and a life which will extend into the ever after. It is without doubt, these figures of my stories passed through my daughters exhausted 22-year-old mind as her fingers gripped her steering wheel on her journey home after 12 hours straight of work and no sleep until her final destination and the treasure hunt that found her at the day’s conclusion.
My daughter might say that in her recollections of my stories she sees me most in the spirit of Captain Montana Mays. May’s military commanders disliked his wild and reckless ways: he lost seven ships chasing sea monsters and other cursed ilk. But they admit that he always finds a new ship to sail, even if she doesn’t meet Navy specs. His crew and the American press love him, and extol his exploits every chance they get.

Her mother, my wife emits the essence of Calico Cat, being too successful in the Atlantic; the “Cat” became a target of every nation that sailed there. But it was treachery by her own crew that nearly led her to the gallows. Disguised as a widowed Puritan she escaped to the Pacific, where she has but one goal: to amass enough power to return for her revenge.

Her own husband the heroic Jack Hawkins at the wheel of the Dauntless! Her sister Bonny Peel, mentored by Calico Cat, she saw her opportunity to command when the Cat mysteriously disappeared. Tough on her crew she’s rumored to be kind to those she captures sometimes even ransoming them back for nothing more than the right to dock at their ports.

But that’s not all, Duque Marcus Vaccaro, also known as the “Golden Tongue,” is Spain’s most important negotiator. He alone can interrupt the king at any hour, and his imperatives often become reality. He has been dispatched to the Italian city-states, the Knights of Malta, and even to England and France. Devereaux, the French privateer, has lost his sanity to his obsession with finding the Dragon’s Eye, a gem that legend says grants the owner immortality. The beautiful Lady Baptiste, considered both a hero and a scourge, she has even been asked by Madame LaFontaine to be one of her girls. Her allegiance remains true to her ship and crew. Madame LaFontaine is the proprietress of Chateau Fontainebleu, a burlesque house in New Orleans. Her girls report everything they hear to her which she can then sell to the highest bidder. Guy LaPlante born in New Orleans has never seen the France he defends. Both Madame LaFontaine and Vicomtesse Richelieu covert his new-world attitude, but he desires only one treasure: Lady Baptiste. Luc Savard watched Canada become a pawn and forgotten territory while the upstart United States thrived, Savard grew increasingly dissatisfied. Starting life as a pirate preying on U.S. ships was a start, but when he was outlawed by Canada, he vowed to fight on his own until he controlled the entire hemisphere. Tabatha McWarren was run out of Providence. Two months later she arrived in New Orleans with a crew devoted to her life. To join her crew, a sailor must drink a mug of her home-brew of cursed blood. Geoffery Flores signaled his resignation from the French Navy with the dead body of his superior officer, who referred to him as a half-breed. Captain Flores is ruthless to his prey but generous to his crew. Gaston de St. Croix might have damned his soul, but Crimson Angel has shown him the gates of heaven. Jonas Richman knows the seduction of evil only too well. The loss of his family to violent predators left him with a single motivation: the destruction of any servant of evil! Brent Rice has always been signed on with the American Navy; he’s just always been there. Although he has no rank, his stories of ship engagements are so exact, and his knowledge of naval strategy so advanced, he is sought after by every military commander. And finally, Sammy the Skull! While Sammy Skulow was alive, he was considered one of the most brutal and insane captains. It is only fitting then, that his hatred for everyone damned him to living even after his flesh rotted away upon his death as his body roams the seas with his sails set for destruction as a phantom ghost and recruiter for the gates of hell!

These are but a few of the characters which populate the childhood mythologies of my children and my oldest daughter is particularly deeply embedded in this lore which gives me great comfort in the knowledge that her survival is not dependent upon the souls of mankind. So to celebrate her 22nd birthday it is appropriate for all of her family to recreate the mythology of her youth so the spirit does not die as her age advances. For it is a rule we all established long ago, that so long as the rules of man could provide a reasonable living, that we would be kind to our enemies and live by a justice generally agreed upon by the collective minds of man. However, should the looters of living continue to rob and pillage our existence to the point where our own lives no longer have any quality, then plan B is already on our minds. I’ll crush ye barnacles matey…..savvy……….for there are far more things to fear than the spirit of those who are willing to leave the static patterns of society and the rules that come with them to defeat the enemies of freedom……..no matter what the cost. Shiver me timbers the sweet trade is what comes next when all else fails. And birthdays are a not only a celebration of what years have passed, but what the years have yet to show.


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Rich Hoffman